After you’ve been in a relationship for a while, conversations can be more practical than pleasure. You talk when necessary.
Necessary conversations tend to fall in one of two categories – agreeable or disagreeable.
Agreeable conversations are short. You both have the same position on a matter so there is little need for discussion. “Do you want to get pizza tonight?” “Pizza sounds great.” End of discussion.
Disagreeable discussions are a lot more noticeable, because they involve a lot more time & energy. There’s conflict, tension, butting of heads, words said in anger, hurt feelings. The house is on fire.
You are annoyed that the other hasn’t cleaned up after themselves. You can’t agree on which couch to buy. You are bickering about the other one using up the last of the milk.
Chances are agreeable conversations happen a lot more than the disagreeable ones, but due to the drama of the disagreeable discussions, they make a bigger mark. You may feel like you do nothing but argue.
And this can be disheartening. You feel you’re at odds with each other constantly. You get defensive whenever you talk to each other.
This is why you need to have more unnecessary conversations.
Have conversations that are unessential, purely for the purpose of getting the two of you enjoying talking to each other. Have long conversations where you are having fun interacting.
And have them often. Let them dominate your relationship landscape.
Then when the arguments inevitably happen, it’s obvious that there is more to your relationship then this sticking point.
Unnecessary conversations are necessary.
If you aren’t listening, the conversation doesn’t evolve. It’s just two people saying things they each already know at each other.
Some things are good for us to hear, even if they are things we already know.
Martin Pistorius was diagnosed as being brain dead. Yet he was conscious, alert, and could see & hear everything that was happening around him. No one realised for 11 years.